I feel so dirty... on the inside

2006-07-13T14:32:00.000-07:00

Okay, so one thing everyone knows about me (or finds out real quick) is that
I have a deep hatred of showering. When I was little, my hair was down to my
butt, and my mother had to wash it for me until I was almost 12, because if
it was up to me, I’d never ever wash it. I had the privilege of having had
lice three times during elementary school. The nurse used to tell me that
“lice only live in clean hair”, yeah- like cockroaches only hang out in the
nice neighborhood. I actually had lice when I was 18, too, but that was
because I let the kids I nannied for play “beauty salon” with their brushes
and my head. Ever have to cancel a date because you had to have your mom
comb RID through your hair? I’m so hot.

My hair looks fantastic on day 2, it only gets better until day 5. Now,
don’t get me wrong, I do clean myself- I shave my legs fairly often, and
every morning I take what my Pop-Pop used to call a “bird bath”- fill the
sink with water and soap and clean the necessary parts. I don’t leave the
house without deodorant. My clothes are clean and fresh. I wash my bangs
every day (they look greasy real quick). If I hadn’t of ranted on like this,
you’d never know.

I do not DO anything that would require me to have scalding water sprayed on
me by force. I am never (okay, hardly ever) covered in filth from head to
toe. Plus, to all of you who think it is not “healthy” and that I am
“covered in bacteria”, I started cutting back on showering after my
dermatologist told me to. I have very sensitive dry skin. In the winter my
skin dries up, and then my clothes rub against it, and I end up with what
looks like brush-burns. NOT FUN. Taking hot showers dries my skin out reeeal
bad.

And don’t suggest a bath to me. I used to love taking them, because it
allowed me to not wash my hair, but still have the public acceptance of
bathing every day. Then I started thinking about it. I’m sitting in a tub
where my roommate/ family/ boyfriend showers. I sit my bare ass in a tub
filled with not only MY scum, but the shit that has washed off of them and
landed on the tub floor. So I fill the tub up with warm water, maybe add
some Mr. Bubble, and MARINATE MYSELF IN FILTH for a half hour. Am I supposed
to be relaxing away while the ebola that lives in my drain pipe is
infiltrating my lady parts? Calgon, take me away!

So don’t judge me because I am a dirty girl. I have my reasons. Who asked
you anyway. Jerk.

Bathing and Personal Hygiene

I feel so dirty... on the inside